I wish time would just stop for a minute…

Hey Tumblr….

Soooooo I haven’t really been super active or anything but since I don’t feel like talking to anyone these days I guess I will just type it out. Vent. Whatever. So, my junior year is over. Ain’t THAT some ish. And let me tell you it was one HECK of a semester. So many ups and downs, twists and turns….I dunno how I did it. Friends abroad, friends in Cali, friends made, and friends edited. Thirsty b*tches and dust bunnies running rampant all over Claremont. Professors throwing every possible thing they could at me from every gosh darn direction. Let my heart fall…got it broken, again. Got my choreography adjudicated at a dance conference. Not too shabby. Got two research grants. Yah, also not too shabby. Dance, dance, dance, and more dance. Papers, tests, and more papers. My daddy in and out of the hospital for two months. Finals week. Its May.

Then I’m sitting at the Class of 2012’s graduation…listening to all their accomplishments and I could even be sad. I was just numb. That’s gonna be me in a year. All the work, drama, bullshit, fun, all-nighters, exams, etc boil down to that one three hour ceremony, one piece of paper, a hundred good-byes/see you laters…then you’re on a plane home. What…the…fak. Like really, tho? Ain’t thhhaaaaat some ish. And today I check my grades and i just beasted the heck out of my semester like As left and right and instead of celebrating…patting myself on the back…I freak out again. I’m a senior. Like, I really am. I’m leaving for Wales UK in a month to do research. But then, wait. Apparently I am supposed to know or have already started thinking about my post-graduate plans. Didn’t attend the freakin info sessions at the end of the semester cuz I was dying an awful death from school work. Sigh. Now I have to email every freakin’ body before I leave. Grad school? GREs? What? Excuse me? Where did time go? I guess I am being a little dramatic. I’ve worked hard, yes…but somehow I always feel like I am never doing enough. I have some of the best friends in the world, yet sometimes I feel like I never see them enough or have time for them. I have a dad who is terribly sick and a mom who deserves the world. Between my brother and I, there is no excuse for not being successful. They deserve to be taken care of one day they way they’ve taken care of us. I just want life to stop for a minute. I just want my friends close, my family closer, and for not knowing what I want to be acceptable.

That is all….sigh…goodnight.

No one told me turning the other cheek, felt so much like losing the battle, yet knowing you won.

(Source: tobindupthebrokenhearted, via gee-raze)